entranceway | video; open to all

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[Damon is not happy, and definitely not drunk enough for this. At first, he assumed he'd been hallucinating, on some trip after drinking bad blood. However, he has been roaming Wonderland for hours on this bright and early morning, while everyone else was likely asleep. He’s poked his head in where it doesn’t belong, waiting for the hallucination to fade. Spoilers: it doesn’t. He finally studies the communication device, accepting that this is either one very long dream or he’s actually here. Somehow. He’s on the main floor, pressed up against the marble pillar, staring up at the ceiling. It takes minimal effort to skim through previous entries before he switches to video.]

Question #1, for the masses: How drunk do you have to be for this place to start making sense? Because I’m starting to think this poor, lonely bottle's not gonna cut it. [Damon looks to the bottle in his hand with a little sigh, tapping his fingers on its surface.] Looks like we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

[He takes a long drink, swallows, and sends the camera a slow but absolutely charming smirk:]

Question #2: what’s the one thing you wish someone had told you on your first day in the merry old Land of Wonder, but failed to?

[Damon points a finger at the camera with the hand that's still partly wound around the bottle] And go. Best answers get a pony.

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[ Well, there's a familiar-ish face, at least. In the 'friend of a friend, never spoke, might actually be confusing them with someone else entirely' sort of way. Still, no reason not to help with the introduction. ]

1. Bar's on the fifth floor. Been there for the better part of five years. No noteworthy improvement on comprehension so far.

2. You can get as many free ponies from the closets as you like, anytime.

[ More or less, anyway. ]

1. completely hammered
2. that everyone here is a big fat freaking asshole
now wheres my goddamn pony

I don't think drinking a lot helps, it just gave me a very bad headache when I tried it. You might want to be careful.

[Because the alcohol here is stronger than Jowan's used to and he's not certain if others think that's normal or not and, well, better to be safe, isn't it?]

But I wish someone had told me that sometimes things just... change around here, for no reason. Like there were tunnels that led to the Deep Roads not that long ago and darkspawn everywhere, then people in mirrors... I'm not sure I want to know what might happen next. I wish I'd known about that sooner.

Oh, and the water here. It comes from the walls like magic at whatever temperature you like! That was nicer to discover.

Honestly? I got pretty drunk the first night I was here, and it still doesn't make a lot of sense.

[Good question, though.]

I was new about three weeks ago. And no one told me about the evil twin versions of ourselves that live on the other side of the mirrors. So, there's that.

Cover all your mirrors. If you talk about anything important, break them.

[ WHY DOES THIS PLACE HATE HER SO MUCH ]

1. Pretty fucking hammered, mate. Even then it's questionable.

2. Swim too far out in the ocean and a tentacle monster will eat you.

[ or at the very least apparate your ass into the pool. ]

That this place will never make sense.

( Answering two questions in one. Go self )

[Distinctly unamused tiny glowing figure.] At least you can drink.

As for the rest, I didn't need to be told anything, I looked it up myself.

Edited 2016-06-13 17:56 (UTC)

Doesn't drinking make it harder to think straight?

[Dipper is 12 he has no personal experience but that's what he's heard.]

[Freya is going to completely ignore your questions, Damon in favor of that very interesting ring you have on your finger. She has her priorities totally in order.]

That's quite the ring you have. Family heirloom?

[Just, you know, out of curiosity. She also seems to be sitting in a bar, so if you would like to join her, Damon, feel free to follow the context clues.]

Damon?

[ her voice hitches with disbelief. this is what she gets for going on her morning jog before checking the network. they must have missed each other more than once as damon explored. freshly showered and hair still wet, elena's eyes are round as she looks into the feed. but if it looks like a damon and talks like a damon —

it's a damon. ]

1. You've been in magical Candyland for five years straight? Five. [it's a blip on the radar for a vampire who has lived over a hundred years, but for Elena back in Mystic Falls? That's another story. One week goes by, and it's one near death experience after the next.]

2. The closets hand out ponies. C'mon. Is this just a Thing done with new arrivals? Tell them crazy stuff to see what they'll believe?

1. i've got a lo-o-o-o-o-o-ong way to go.
2. soooooo same as anywhere else? hey, i said best answers. can you tell me something i don't know? then i'll go retrieve your closet pony.

[since he just heard that... is a thing. closets give out ponies.]

people here will also try to kill you for like no reason whatsoever
have fun

That there is no legitimate form of government and the so-called queen is a sham.

[That makes this kidnapped monarch pretty frustrated because it means there's no one she can diplomacy at until they send her home.]

And inebriation will not aid your comprehension. There are pamphlets that summarize the main details succinctly, though.

I don't know that you've been drinking correctly if all you get is a headache. That's called a hangover. But drinking a lot has always helped me, I'm highly experienced.

[In the way of drinking and drinks. Clearly, someone needs to show him how to drink so he can enjoy it.]

I only have half an idea of what you're talking about. Deep Roads. Darkspawn? Sounds like something out of a fantasy novel.

[His gaze narrows with a little smirk. He literally watched modern plumbing be invented] ...do you mean showers?

1. And a few months, give or take. Mostly give. Next anniversary's coming up in September, if you'd like to plan ahead for gifts.

(If it's any consolation, I'm currently the senior guest on staff. Most people book shorter visits than that.)

2. Try it. Go on, get your own pony. Live the dream. Why stop there? Get two ponies. Three! There is no known limit to the amount of ponies you could own.

(There isn't much of a limit on anything, for that matter. The closets will give you just about anything you want, or close to it anyway.)

Well, today I'm putting up the good fight. Sense or no sense.

[He tilts his bottle in her direction with a little smirk]

...wait, evil twin? Tell me more. This might be worth a pony. [Also, Damon literally cannot imagine an evil version of him. What even would that look like...]

Bonnie?

What the hell? [IS HE REALLY GETTING THE TEXT TREATMENT FROM YOU. he'll remember the mirror comment for later] Look I know we're not the best of friends, but showing up in Narnia without any warning and no idea how to get back to Elena is something that would interest us both.

Don't you think?

1. I've got a ways to go. Bottom's up.

2. tentacle monster? Can't say I remember the Kraken in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. The author of this kooky story must be taking some creative liberties.

But how drunk have you been here? Maybe you just didn't reach the level of alcohol required.

What the hell are you?

[Tact is not Damon's strong suit.] You looked up everything there is to know here ever? Nothing at all would surprise you when it comes to Neverland?

Name's Church. And yeah more or less. It was easy enough to go through all the stuff people have bitched about for the last however many years they've been here.

Also it's fucking Wonderland, crazy shit is kind of the norm.

Exactly. You're like what? 9? So you wouldn't get it. [Damon downs his drink, wondering if maybe Dipper is not the protaganist of this weird children's story he's found himself in.]

If you don't think so straight, you don't really care about logic anymore. Makes accepting whatever so much easier.

[Damon tilts his head to the side as he looks at her, narrowing his gaze at exactly what she notices. He sees the bar, and he knows where the bar is located now so he'll saunter that way. (Yes, saunter).]

It's been in the family for a very long time. Keen eyes, you've got there.

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