1 🐻 TEXT.

[accelerate]

[ have you seen a golden streak throughout wonderland? that's barry — the flash — scoping out the place. making sure it's up to snuff and reasonably safe (ha ha, another earth being safe? oh, barry) and searching for (1) the cheshire cat (2) the caterpillar with the hookah and (3) the queen of hearts, he's found himself so disappointed not to find (4) the mad hatter. it's like he's losing this scavenger hunt no one else is playing. ]

[ he makes sure his username is BEARY 🐻 for #reasons no one will ever guess. keeping his tone cheery and upbeat, barry's close to fooling himself that he doesn't feel so empty on the inside and infinitely defeated. ]

Little Barry fell
d
o
w
n
the hole
bumped his head
and idk about my soul tbh jw if I've gone mad here??

Okay, sorry, that wasn't a real question. Siri's not even answering me so I'm guessing it's just not even a good one to ask? What kind of Wonderland doesn't even have Jitters?

Assuming I've gone mad and I'm not going to lose my head, I've decided to come to my wise fish with a specific porpoise. Fish don't go anywhere without one.

I want to know when tea-time is (seriously, guys, I'm really, really, REALLY hungry and I could use some snacks, like high on the sugar, maybe cupcakes with icing, ice-cream in the cone, chocolate ...) and if I'm invited because I kiiiiiiind of waited in the tea-room for like an hour and a half at 6PM — ON THE DOT btw — and no one turned up? Like, come on, I'm a great party guest … even though I'm over a mile high.

What do I have to do to be in the cool kid's club????

Comments

[accelerate]

Woah. Come on! Be lenient. I'm NEW here. I didn't know not to talk about cool kids club before I knew there was a cool kids club!

[rosswood]

please tell me you have at least a passing familiarity with the CONCEPT of fight club

[accelerate]

[ he may be a speedster but he is not a lame speedster like zoom!!! ]

You met me at a very strange time in my life. But I have a Question.

[rosswood]

didn't answer my question but i don't really care so
shoot

[accelerate]

Why are you talking about cool kids club if rule #1 is not to talk about cool kids club? Are you too cool for the rules?

[rosswood]

rules are for tools and tools are for mules

[accelerate]

Are you even a part of the cool kids club? It's okay if you're not. I'm not.

Obviously.

[rosswood]

i knew that before you even said anything
but no its cause there are no cool kids here
literally none

[accelerate]

How sure are you % wise?

[rosswood]

it's in the hundreds
this isn't leading up to a hot joke or anything either
everyone here is a big fat freaking asshole

[accelerate]

They ate all the food before I got here? 😭 Talk about poor hospitality.

[rosswood]

i mean probably
you can always get more though
kitchen gives us what we need usually unles there's a zombie apocalypse happening or something

[accelerate]

Keep the icecream in a cone away from the zombies at all costs. Got it.

Why assholes? I thought Wonderland was full of weird and eccentric people. Like Tweedle Dee and Dumb.

[rosswood]

yeah well that was before everyone else got here

[accelerate]

[ there are people here worse than those dumb guys? the queen of hearts takes the cake as one of the worst ... but that's all subjective, isn't it? ]

So who's an asshole? So I'm up to speed here. I wouldn't want to eat their cupcake.

[rosswood]

well you've got people who'll sass you
like me
then you've got people who are just shifty motherfuckers but won't let you catch them doing anything wrong
and then you've got your actual straight-up murderers

[accelerate]

Murderers fell down the rabbit hole?

[ barry shouldn't be surprised some bad apples fall into this barrel of eccentricities, but a part of him will always want to believe the good in people and the world. maybe this is something for the flash to handle. ]

I mean, wow. Wonderland needs to consider doing some background checks before letting anyone drink the shrink me potion and walk through the door.

Is there anyone around to stop them?

[rosswood]

yeah the place is full of hero types
but i mean
seeing as we're fish in a barrel here they tend to fly under the radar

[accelerate]

Unless you're Nemo or Flounder I don't really think that excuses it.

But who am I but a desperate newbie who just wants to dine with the Mad Hatter and friends? I just want to be mad and Wonderland isn't letting me. 😔

[rosswood]

give it time
you will be soon enough

[accelerate]

[ tbh barry suspects he's already a little mad, given all the time discrepancies and time travellers he's come across. what's there to lose if he goes a little madder? ]

Is that the only way to cope with being here?

[rosswood]

i never said it was a coping thing
just a side effect of being here
place messes with you

[accelerate]

Guessing it's a bad kind of messing with you, since it's Wonderland and everyone there's supposedly crazy if you read the book that way.

How long do I have to be here before things start to go a little mad for me? Is there a timeline? I want to make sure I'm wearing the appropriate footwear. Comfort is important.

[rosswood]

couple events in maybe
everybody's gotta go a little nuts to stay sane here

also bring some kind of blunt heavy object

[accelerate]

[ so, this sounds a little like home. every few weeks, a meta pops up and wants to either (1) kill the flash or (2) just wreak havoc. how bad could wonderland be compared to the shitstorm that's central city? ]

Do I want to know how bad these events get? Other than taking away my sanity. Not sure if I have much of that left tbqh.

Blunt object for the possible zombie apocalypse?