entranceway | e x p e r i m e n t #05 (accidental video)

e x p e r i m e n t #05 (accidental video)

[When the broadcast starts, it goes from silence to the immediate noise of two people screaming, punctuated by the sound of laser gunshots and mechanical whirring. It seems the device is on a side-table, giving a flat view of Ford and Alphys… perched on another table. Alphys is curled up, hands over her head, looking incredibly distressed, while Ford seems to be shooting at something off-camera.]

Oh m-my god, oh my god, we’re going to d-die here, I’m so s-sorry, I didn’t know they were all going to start...

Don’t worry! I happen to have excellent aim.

[All of a sudden, something takes a flying leap up onto the table, and Alphys yells as Ford shoots it down. The ensuing shot causes the device to fall over, revealing the floor is absolutely covered in knife wielding box tentacles, some with multiple arms, some with multiple knives, all running over each other and stabbing the floor, themselves, and the table. Alphys is still yelling. Ford is still shooting. It looks like an absolute catastrophe.]

Maybe we shouldn’t have prototyped them with the basic ability to learn--

Well it w-would have been fine if it was just, y-you know, one of them! They weren’t all supposed to turn on at the same time!

[Suddenly, Alphys turns her head and seems to notice the device, turning herself around and reaching out to grab it, bringing it in close to her and Ford.]

Uh, t-this is totally under control! No need to panic! I d-don’t, uhm, know how long this has been broadcasting, but, it’s f-fine! … And m-maybe don’t come to Ford’s room for, uhm, a little bit, for uh. Reasons.

Is that thing on? Uh, I mean-- Yes! Everything is absolutely, 100% under control. There is no need to worry about anythi-- [Ford cuts himself off and hisses.] Watch out, Alphys! I think it just tasted my blood!!

Oh g-god please don’t let that do anything new.

[And the device blinks off, cutting out the mechanical whirring sounds with it.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

W-Well, I'm, I'm not!!!

[this has degraded so quickly.]

What d-do you want, uh, anyway?

N-Nothing, I literally just wanted to comment on this heinous bullshit, it's s-so fucking choice.

Well-- I--

[What does she even say to this.]

Thank??? You???

Y-You're welcome. Who the hell are you, anyway?

M-My name is Alphys. Dr. Alphys.

[She's still very flustered and obviously incredibly off-balance.]

What about you?

Rick Sanchez. Scientist. N-Never met a dinosaur with a degree before. Or, or okay, th-that's kind of inaccurate, I met a Triceratops one time with a Masters in Philosophy, but that's, that liberal arts shit barely fucking counts.

Oh. Uhm. Like a real dinosaur, n-not a dinosaur monster?

[Yeah, because that's her question here.]

Mine's in, uh, engineering.

Uhhh, I've met a lot of different kinds of monsters, but I don't think dinosaurs count? Y-Your average alternate universe where dinosaurs didn't all fucking eat it when the meteor hit so there's just intelligent dinosaurs running around building r-rocketships and shit and yes they have fucking feathers I don't wanna, I'm sick to fucking death of hearing this, oh, oh dinosaurs didn't have feathers, dinosaurs with feathers aren't cool, like, shut the fuck up humanity and stop denying the fucking truth.

Nice. Nice. Engineering's good. You ever, y-you ever done maintenance on a UFO before?

Well, uh, I meant like, uhm, in m-my world, there are humans and monsters, and monsters can, uh appear animalistic, so uhm, like, I'd be a lizard monster. But you seem to be talking about, uh, r-real dinosaurs who can talk, which is kind of amazing.

[wait wait slow down]

... You have a UFO? H-Here? And it flies??

Oh, shit, okay, like an actual species not uh, not a euphemism for some freaky-ass critters or whatever. Oh shit, like those, th-those goat people, right?

[He grins.] Yeah, b-built it from scratch. The one back home's more impressive, I b-basically built it outta my son-in-law's lawnmower c-cause fuck that guy. Whoever said a lawnmower can't b-be sp-AAARRUUHHH-aceworthy?

Uh, y-yeah. Toriel and Asgore. They're, uhm... friends, s-sort of, from back home.

[Asgore is a friend. Toriel... well not so much.]

Wait, you m-made a lawnmower fly??? You turned a lawnmower into a UFO??

[She has like 70000 questions, Rick.]

Okay, so you just l-like, live in a world of monsters, okay.

And yeah, I mean, it was a lawnmower and a weedwhacker and some car parts and most of Jerry's stupidass fucking grill that he never used cause he has no friends, but yeah.

Well, y-yes, monsters and humans, but...

W-Wait, how did you get the motor to support the upward lift without a magical generator? And even then, without it e-exploding??

[Priorities.]

Haha, shit, that must uh, knowing humans that must go over real well for you guys.

[Oho so she's good for more than just making silly meme inventions.]

T-Trade secret, but I basically just, just tweaked it to consume concentrated dark matter instead of fossil fuels and built some add-IIURRRRR-tional stabilizers out of what was left of the, the weedwhacker. Y-You've already got plenty of titanium from the blades to, to reinforce the engine, so the only thing you've got to worry about is palladium, b-but I've got palladium coming out my ears. Lift's less the problem than thrust, anyway. 'Sides, I-I don't dabble with magic if I can help it, not unless I'm in some whimsical bullshit fairytale world like this one.

You h-have access to concentrated d-dark matter??

[What she could not do with concentrated dark matter, holy hell. Now she's wondering if you can get that out of the closets.]

Well, uh, monsters d-do most everything with magic, seeing as, uhm, we're m-made of it. It's just another w-way of interacting with uh, science.

I basically invented it.

See, yeah, i-i-if you have no choice then it's whatever. But let me fucking tell you, if you can build something without magic then you'd better do it, because magic is goddamn finicky as fuck. An engine running on fusion or antimatter's gonna be a, a safer bet than one that runs on hopes and dreams.

Well, magic is only unstable if you don't know h-how to use it, or it's properties in interaction with l-local physics. But, uhm, a lot of humans have also told me magic doesn't work very, uh, p-predictably in their world, like it does ours.

[She can track magical surges and weave it into anything without much trouble. But other worlds seems much more complicated.]

Yeah, except as soon as you take it out of the local physics where it works it goes fucko again. Plenty of dimensions wh-where that shit works just fine, but when you're j-jumping dimensions you need something more reliable than, than, than fairy dust.

Well, uhm, I've never been to a-any other dimensions, so, uhm, I don't know anything about that. Except, uh, this one, t-technically.

[She's barely ever been out of the Underground before coming here, so jeez, that sounds complicated.]

J-Just trust me when I say that dimensional physics become fuckdamn s-stupid and if you're running something that relies on a specific dimension to function, you're fucked.

Well, uhm, that would make... sense.

[She really has no idea how to deal with that, so she'll just take his word for it.]

It's bullshit that we don't get t-t-to retain information when we go home, otherwise I'd say try, try and apply your magic to interdimensional travel, or whatever. Oh fucking well.

Well, uhm, if I ever g-get the chance here, I can, uh, let you know? I mean, uhm, it works here just fine, or I wouldn't be, uh, very alive otherwise. But I think Wonderland allows most t-things from it's outside worlds to function for, uh, that exact r-reason.

Sure, whatever. Listen, I don't collab with other scientists real often, too many, t-too many cooks, you know? But you seem like less utter shit than most and it's been like, like twenty years or whatever since I worked with a lizard, so yeah.

[And if her pastime is building tentacle boxes then at least it could be fun and not terrible.]

Oh! Well, uhm, t-thank you.

[That was a compliment, right? Yes. Probably.]

Well, uhm, if you ever have something you, uh, n-need built or, uhm, want some magical advice or something, I have an office at the l-lab downstairs. As well as, uhm, a p-personal one up on the second floor.

e x p e r i m e n t #05 (accidental video)

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