e x p e r i m e n t #05 (accidental video)

[mviw]

[When the broadcast starts, it goes from silence to the immediate noise of two people screaming, punctuated by the sound of laser gunshots and mechanical whirring. It seems the device is on a side-table, giving a flat view of Ford and Alphys… perched on another table. Alphys is curled up, hands over her head, looking incredibly distressed, while Ford seems to be shooting at something off-camera.]

Oh m-my god, oh my god, we’re going to d-die here, I’m so s-sorry, I didn’t know they were all going to start...

Don’t worry! I happen to have excellent aim.

[All of a sudden, something takes a flying leap up onto the table, and Alphys yells as Ford shoots it down. The ensuing shot causes the device to fall over, revealing the floor is absolutely covered in knife wielding box tentacles, some with multiple arms, some with multiple knives, all running over each other and stabbing the floor, themselves, and the table. Alphys is still yelling. Ford is still shooting. It looks like an absolute catastrophe.]

Maybe we shouldn’t have prototyped them with the basic ability to learn--

Well it w-would have been fine if it was just, y-you know, one of them! They weren’t all supposed to turn on at the same time!

[Suddenly, Alphys turns her head and seems to notice the device, turning herself around and reaching out to grab it, bringing it in close to her and Ford.]

Uh, t-this is totally under control! No need to panic! I d-don’t, uhm, know how long this has been broadcasting, but, it’s f-fine! … And m-maybe don’t come to Ford’s room for, uhm, a little bit, for uh. Reasons.

Is that thing on? Uh, I mean-- Yes! Everything is absolutely, 100% under control. There is no need to worry about anythi-- [Ford cuts himself off and hisses.] Watch out, Alphys! I think it just tasted my blood!!

Oh g-god please don’t let that do anything new.

[And the device blinks off, cutting out the mechanical whirring sounds with it.]

Comments

[mviw]

If you let me know where you are, I'll build you a damn coffin.

[wriggedywrecked]

Yeah, g-good luck getting past your rebel tentacles, fucker.

[mviw]

Oh please, this is cake.

[...]

Wait, did you say meme? Are tentacle boxes a meme?

[wriggedywrecked]

Y-You need to educate yourself on memes, fuckass.

[mviw]

Been there, done that.

[wriggedywrecked]

What, educated yourself on memes or fucked ass?

[mviw]

Take a guess, genius. It was the former, thanks to Alex Kralie. Even if the answer had been yes to both, I'm not going to discuss my hypothetical predilections with you.

[wriggedywrecked]

...Okay I m-misheard you right there and thought you meant you'd fucked Alex Kralie's ass and like, wow, y-you didn't strike me as the type to g-go for basically a twink.

1/2

[mviw]

2/2

[mviw]

NO, HE IS NOT MY TYPE. Build yourself a hearing aid for God's sake.

[wriggedywrecked]

Y-You're totally into bears, aren't you.

[mviw]

No. I'm not even into males at all! Why is my love life or lack thereof so fascinating?!

[wriggedywrecked]

Y-You're into tentacles but not males? Jesus.

[mviw]

I like WOMEN, Rick! WOMEN. And before you ask about my dry spell-- decades!

[wriggedywrecked]

How can you possibly be straight, that's so f-fucking boring. Are you telling me y-you lied to me about the tentacles?

[mviw]

[HE IS SUDDENLY REMARKABLY STRAIGHTFACED]

I don't recall saying anything on that subject.

[WHICH SAYS ENOUGH HONESTLY and he's not wrong. He never said anything!! But he's going to swiftly change the subject now.]

I did go on a date with Alphys recently.

[wriggedywrecked]

You told me you were basically in a f-fucking tentacle hentai one time, you can't lie about shit like that, Pontiac.

[He might possibly potentially maybe be misremembering.]

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh shitttttttttt, you fucking scaley! Fucking n-no wonder you two built a knife-wielding tentacle together.

[mviw]

Oh my GOD.

[sciencelizard]

[Alphys is yelling over Ford's shoulder for this one.]

Is this really the time for, uhm, these s-sorts of discussions, when we could literally die??

[RICK STOP INSTIGATING HIM IT WAS A GOOD DATE]

[mviw]

--Oh, God-- Sorry, Alphys!

[and at the communicator:]

Mind your own business, Rick! Go pester Stanley about his love life.

[charlastan]

Leave me outta this, you nerds!

[wriggedywrecked]

What, I ain't judging, I fucked a giraffe one t-time.

[mviw]

[he doesn't respond because ROBOTS, but

sometimes he lies awake at night wondering if rick was telling the truth]

[sciencelizard]

OH MY GOD IS THIS REALLY THE TIME

[wriggedywrecked]

Well shit, now I ship it.