entranceway | e x p e r i m e n t #01 (action/text)

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e x p e r i m e n t #01 (action/text)

[It's been at least several hours of dodging strangers in a mysterious garden belonging to the shifting architecture of a mansion that must've come right off the pages of a fairytale... or from a nightmare. Ford has tried everything to wake himself up from what he believes is a dream; perhaps a trap in which Bill has locked him away, or some pocket dimension, or what if he's even dead, or... or...

All he remembers is raising his hands to answer Bill's "riddle", a bright light, and extreme discomfort.

He scrubs his hand over his head and looks down at the unfamiliar device he found on his person not too long after he woke up.]

Come on, Stanford. He trapped you here. You have to wake up. This has to be a riddle, a game...

[If it's a game Bill wants, Ford decides he might have to play it long enough to wake up--just wake up--

He starts typing out a message, and reminds himself to trust no one. If he's been blasted to another dimension, it might actually be better than being locked in his own mind, but... if this is his own mindscape, it doesn't seem to fit. It's definitely something Mabel would come up with, but him? No.

What then, is it? Where is he?]

ATTENTION DENIZENS OF THIS REALM--

My name is Stanford Pines and I come in relative peace. I am attempting to communicate through this device. If you understand this language, please respond.

[That's ambiguous enough, and--] There. I drew my line in the sand.

[He pockets the numbered, lettered pad and sets out to explore.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What. Why? ...How?

[Which, of course, should be the reaction any semi-reasonable person should have to hearing their brother had a metal plate installed, especially when he talks about it as though it was easy as calling up a cable company and having a satellite dish installed and not major brain surgery. On his end, Stan shakes his head (even though Ford can't see it) and sighs.]

Nevermind. I don't even wanna know. [Yes he does.] Anyway, questionable medical procedures aside, uh...nope. Didn't recognize it the first time either. You were just as clueless then as you are now - and believe me, it's really weird havin' you be the clueless one for a change.

[After all, that's usually Stan. He's pretty sure there's no debating that one.]

Edited 2016-01-07 23:26 (UTC)

[....... Ford... doesn't like this. He doesn't like this at all. He's cold and this news is making him nervous, although he doesn't show it and the only audible sign is the heightened tension in his voice.]

That's impossible. [... Wait--!! Just... just in case...] Your pupils. I need to see your pupils.

[After a little fumbling, Ford gets the video turned on, and his expression is a strange mixture of stress and irritation.

Just humor him, bro.]

[There a long, heavy sigh, as though hitting a button and letting Ford look at his eyes is such an unreasonable hassle. But he does it anyway, and as soon as the video is on he rolls his eyes. Staring into the camera is super weird, so it isn't long before Stan gestures up to his eyes.]

There. Happy? Or you wanna see my birth certificate too?

[Dry and sarcastic as always, but at least his eyes are normal. Annoyed from having to do all this, but normal.]

[And then, a sigh of relief. It's small though, but it's there. At Stan's question, Ford actually cracks a smile.]

Do you even have it anymore? The real one.

Pfft. Of course not! I haven't seen that thing in nearly fifty years.

[Not since he was living at home, and he never bothered getting a real new one since he wasn't "Stanley Pines" on the road very long. He grins right back, conspiratorially.]

I do have my own death certificate back at the Shack though - that's gotta count for somethin', right?

You have your death certificate? [Oh my God. How is he twins with you. How.] Don't you think it would be a little odd that someone would have his brother's death certificate on hand?

[That gives him pause because...]

You faked your own death. [That's really morbid and pretty awful, actually, but the morbidity of it is offset by Ford's irritation that Stan did it to masquerade as his twin.]

--To commit tax fraud under my name.

[And there it is.]

Edited 2016-01-09 20:08 (UTC)

What? It's not like I framed it and stuck it on the wall! [...For long. Eventually it went into the safe, okay?] I've just got it around in case I ever need the thing.

[For a second, he thinks maybe Ford's going to point out how awful it is that Stan's legally dead and actually be concerned but...nope. That's not what happens, and any smile he had evaporates.]

I had to tie up all my loose ends, alright? Sure there was some "massive tax fraud" involved, but it's not like I had any other options. Quickest way to make sure no one questioned I was you was to make me disappear permanently. You say it like one day I just up and went "Y'know what'd be fun? Tax fraud! That sounds like a great time" just for the hell of it!

[And posing as Ford was the only way if he wanted to keep the Shack and save him. Anything else just wasn't an option at all.]

And what about you? You can't be me forever. What was your plan after I came back, Stanley? I'm the biggest "loose end" in this insane scheme of yours. What about your own identity?

[At the back of his mind, Ford is irritated by both the 'theft' of his identity and from worry about his brother throwing his own away so easily. It's disconcerting. It's frustrating. There was a time when Ford was afraid he was losing his mind, not that he's ever told Stan about any of that, but the layers of charades and lies makes him think of someone he despises thoroughly.

~~You're supposed to be better than that, Stanley.~~]

What about mine?

[~~I wasn't worth potentially tearing apart existence, you idiot.~~]

I wasn't plannin' on being you forever! C'mon, it's not the first time I've ever had to take up a brand new identity. Sure, you're not allowed on airplanes anymore and you probably shouldn't try to cross any US borders, but we'll figure it out!

[Because ultimately, Stan's plan was just to bring Ford back and start over again. Who cares what happened to "Stanley Pines"? It's not like anything of value was lost, compared to what was gained.

Of course, he also has no remorse about completely ruining Ford's identity in the process, because as far as he's concerned it was all worth it to get him back.]

OH! Wonderful! I have an arrest record! So in the process of trying to bring me home, you ruined not just my life--again--but my entire identity! And the world is going to end!

[What a thing to tack on, but he's not lying--he's fuming and tempted to shut off the device and throw it as far as he can. He's already been a meat puppet and had his mind scoured and read and remembered by a creature of pure energy and chaos. This is the rotten cherry on top of the worst cake imaginable.

~~Ford cares about what happened to "Stanley Pines" you selfish asshole.~~]

[Unfortunately, at the end of a long list of accusations like that, Stan can't possibly take mention of the world ending seriously. It just sounds like Ford being over-dramatic about his identity not being as spotless as it used to be.]

You're kidding, right? You wouldn't even be here to know you have an arrest record if it weren't for me! You'd still be be stuck on the other side of that damn portal! I dropped everything to save you and you can't even freakin' thank me for it!

[This is the second time Ford's been in Wonderland and Stan still can't believe what an ungrateful asshole he is. He crosses his arms and huffs.]

Besides, it's not like you were doin' anything with your identity. What, did I ruin your reputation of being a paranoid hermit who threatens trespassers with crossbows?

I wish you were from the same timeline so you could see what's happening back home, but I can't even be sure you'd care. Why should I thank you for setting that in motion? Why should I thank you after everything you ruined?

[Ford's anger is building on the shoulders of his desperation and worry.]

According to you, the kids are the only family you have left. If that's true, then you didn't rebuild the portal for me. You did it for yourself.

I have no obligation to thank you for that.

[He should probably ask more about what's going on currently and what he's supposedly ruined, but that last bit trips him up too much. He's worked on that portal every day for the last thirty years. He's tried to learn how to break those stupid codes, taught himself a bit about physics, and threw away his entire identity just to get Ford back. Everything he's ever done in the last three decades he's done with Ford in mind.

All he's wanted was to be family again, so his jaw drops when Ford says otherwise. It...actually stung a lot to have that thrown in his face when he doesn't remember it.]

What? No, I didn't! That doesn't even make any sense! I'd never say somethin' like that! Honest!

[Stan's temper is legendary though, so if he was angry he might. If he'd just been told that his only reward for saving his brother was to be thrown out on the street again, he might. But Stan doesn't have memories of that. No one's mentioned a word about that arrangement to him at all. This all feels completely uncharacteristic of him.

So, that leaves one option in Stan's mind, and it's one that makes him glare hard at his brother. That hurt has quickly morphed into fury.]

What the hell's wrong with you?! I can't believe you'd seriously lie about my future just so you can win some dumb argument!

[That has to be it, because Stan would never. He'd never cut Ford out of his family like that. ...Right?]

[Ford's regret is immediate. It really isn't fair of him to hold that against Stan when he hasn't technically said that yet. For a moment, logic had gone out the window and he said something he wishes he could take back. It occurs to him that maybe that's exactly what happened in Ford's past and Stan's future.

What is he supposed to say? "You said it in the future"? Well. He did. Because of that arrangement.

He's not looking at the video. An uncomfortably icy calm settles over him, helped along by the chilly temperature.]

I'm not lying. I told you that as soon as the kids go back home, all the Mystery Shack nonsense would be over and you'd give me back my house.

You didn't take it well. You agreed on the condition that I'd stay away from Mabel and Dipper because they're the only family you have left. [Ford fixes his gaze on the video and his brother again. It's a grim look, but he's trying to push his anger away. It'll just make this worse.]

That was our deal. Later on, after some... ... accidental adventures, you decided to allow Dipper and I to spend some time together.

... Then you ran for mayor.

[He never meant to reveal this much, but after waking up from the nightmare back home to find himself here... he's disoriented. Off guard. None of this makes any sense and he wants to start researching it right away. His relief at seeing his family alive and unharmed was enough to open the door just a crack, but not enough to keep it from slamming shut again.

If this is a trap made by Bill, it's not a very convincing one.]

[Stan's...uncharacteristically quiet as Ford explains himself, but it's not the kind of silence anyone would ever want from him. It's not his usual fiery rage - it's colder than the weather outside.

He's listening though. He listens to Ford tell him that he's kicking him out of the Shack after he saved him from who knows what on the other side of the portal. That he told Ford to stay away from the kids and then reneged on his end of the deal - probably because it's Ford, and they're his great niece and nephew too.

He doesn't need to ask to know that Ford hasn't budged on his end, and his expression tightens. He's still getting kicked out. That's it. All that work for a family who doesn't even care about him. Suddenly, he gets why he might have said Ford wasn't his family more - it's because he sure as hell isn't acting like it.

That quiet lasts a long time, until Ford's done explaining what happened and then a beat after that. Stan's still hurt and angry so...he rolls his eyes at it. At all of it.]

...Hmph. Like I'd ever run for office. Extensive criminal record, remember? And can you seriously picture me as some stuffy politician? If you're gonna lie to me, at least make it kinda believable.

[To be honest, he actually could see himself running for mayor, especially if he's apparently not going to have anywhere else to go. Gravity Falls is weird; he could probably swing it without getting into his criminal antics. That isn't the point though - the point is he has no proof and he's not sure he wants to take Ford's word for it at the moment. He kind of believes it, but he doesn't want to give in that easily. Why the hell should he let Ford off the hook when Ford just spent twenty minutes grilling him to see if he was really his brother?]

[... Honestly? He thought Stan would lash out again.

It's true. The quiet is worse. It means something's wrong, and at least half of it is Ford's fault. He remembers this from their childhood, and it plucks at the guilt he's buried deep.

Instead of elaborating on anything important, he just shrugs off Stan's accusation of lying by literally shrugging and referring to Stan's extremely brief political career.

He won't tell him that he gave the kids a tie to control Stan's mind which was a really awful thing to do. Innocent revenge? Perhaps. Does he think Stan would be a good politician if he could just think before speaking? Definitely.]

You did actually, and I think you were gonna win, but they found out about your extensive criminal record and your rap sheet was listed on the news.

Accusing me of lying might actually mean more if you didn't do it for a living.

Edited 2016-01-10 06:36 (UTC)

[Stan wants to hold onto that silent rage, but he just can't. He starts laughing.]

You-- you almost had me there, but there's no way in hell that's true. [He snickers and has to catch his breath.] Who the hell would vote for me? I've been scammin' everyone in Gravity Falls outta their money for years! They'd sooner chase me outta town with pitchforks! That's a good one though. [Pfft.] A for effort, Poindexter.

[It's so unbelievable to him that he keeps laughing and laughing. He's not even trying to be cruel any more. Him coming close to winning the election at all is more unbelievable than him actually running for office. Even though he'd just been thinking he could maybe swindle the town into voting for him, hearing that they actually did is too much for him to believe. Eventually his laughter dies down though and he addresses the rest.]

Yeah, well - just means I'm good at spottin' a lie when I hear one. You can't con a con man, Ford.

[Ford hunches down a bit while he's getting laughed at for telling the truth.]

I'm not trying to con you! The Gravity Falls election has--I don't know, I didn't really pay attention--a few debates and on the final one, the crowd does something with birdseed to attract eagles. A mayor hasn't been elected in almost 100 years. You even had help from the kids.

[Now Ford's the one folding his arms. He's trying to be honest here!]

If you don't want to believe me, that's fine, but I'm not trying to swindle you into anything. I'm cold, in another dimension that isn't my home again, and I don't have time to find cheap laughs at someone's expense amusing.

Stop, stop! I'm gonna tear my sides open if I keep laughin' this hard! [Which doesn't stop him from continuing to laugh like a jerk.] Eagles, really? That's weird even by Gravity Falls standards, and you can legally marry a woodpecker there!

[...Alright, no, legally marrying a woodpecker might still be weirder, but it's a pretty close call. Ford getting so huffy about him laughing at this really obvious lie though is sort of a buzzkill though, so Stan rolls his eyes again and shoos him off with one hand.]

Yeah, yeah. I know. You're prolly busy tryin' to find someone to tell you everything I already told you earlier so you can actually believe it. I get it.

[He's well aware of the hypocrisy and he doesn't care even a little.]

I'm not surprised that a con man wouldn't know the truth if it hit him in the face.

[DON'T TEMPT HIM, STANLEY.]

And I'm already going to meet up with Dipper.

[Absolutely nothing about this surprises Stan, including him insisting con men don't know what the truth looks like. He just shakes his head and rolls his eyes, because for once Ford's wrong and he's right - he could spot a lie a mile away.]

Yeah, you do that. I'm sure the kid's prolly got a guided tour lined up already for the Author of the Journals.

[Now that Dipper's already met Ford, Stan's willing to bet he's been waiting for this to happen. Not that Stan cares. He definitely doesn't care! The two of them can go be gigantic nerds together somewhere else.]

Oh please. Dipper wouldn't do that. [... Would he? How many people here know that Ford exists...] The kid's enthusiastic but he's not a showoff.

[Snerk.] What, you think you know him better than I do now? He'll be bouncin' on his heels the second he sees you, ready to drag you around and show off everything he knows about the place. Betcha he's got speeches ready and everything.

[Dipper is absolutely a showoff. To be honest, Stan doesn't actually think it's a bad quality - he's mostly just jealous because Dipper clearly has a favorite Grunkle and it isn't him.]

Edited 2016-01-11 08:51 (UTC)

[He sighs, irritated that Stan is... right. Sort of.]

I meant he doesn't do it for attention. There's nothing wrong with sharing what you're interested in with your family and being excited to learn new things.

Edited 2016-01-11 08:58 (UTC)

Never said he was, smart ass. Not surprised you're still constantly assumin' the worst of me though.

[Because of course he is, especially after all the things Stan's learned about the future today.]

e x p e r i m e n t #01 (action/text)

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