002: late night text.

[sheriffing]

I'll be honest, I don't know how all of you are living here.
Not existing, I don't need an explanation for that. I just...

[She's trapped by a future that hasn't happened yet. Hook doesn't have to tell her she's gone dark for her to know he was thrown by the fact that she wasn't. If there's going to be a fight, she's going to lose. In his future, she's the Dark One.

And to have it not happen just because she's here, when she doesn't know why, or for how long, or what this place wants out of her is maddening.]

I feel like I'm waiting for someone to flip the switch and send me back to my life. And I don't know whether to want that because it's mine or to want this because it could always be worse.

[She could be the person Hook thought she was. And eventually, she will be.]

Comments

[sponsored]

well you've obviously never been to AA so you got that going for you

[ too glib? ]

[sheriffing]

Is this where you tell me to take it one day at a time?

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[belovedson]

For some people, this is all we've got. The world isn't there for some to go back to, or it really does suck worse in other cases.

Knowing that makes it easier, I guess. It forces you to accept being here for what it is, and to see it as a last chance sort of thing. Maybe that's not the case for you, but when the mistakes you make in your home cost you too much--

[When you give up your life because you're so damn desperate to be with your family again]

--then on some level, you start to be grateful for being here.

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[sheriffing]

I didn't say I'm not grateful, sometimes I am.
And that makes it worse, because it's all temporary.

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[sorryitasedyou]

I'm guessing you're somewhere between the 3 to 5 month mark around here.

Am I right?

How far off am I? Because I like to think I'm getting pretty good at this.

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[sheriffing]

Two months in.

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[fulllifeconsequences]

"Back to" your life? Your life is still your life, whether it's here or somewhere else. Who cares where you go?

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[sheriffing]

It's not that easy.

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[determinedest]

If it helps, I know you're not alone. Some people are happier here.

And sometimes what you think will happen isn't what always happens.

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[sheriffing]

I never know what to expect, so you're right there.

[thesamurai]

Shit can get worse no matter where you are.

[But tbh from what she knows of that world, Storybrooke can be pretty...insane.]

[sheriffing]

Yeah, and it usually does.

Text.

[lightgunhustler]

It feels like that for awhile. The waiting. For some people, that never changes.

[If they have a life to go back to, it makes all the sense in the world: of course they're waiting for that switch, to wake up and write this whole thing off as a dream.]

It's okay not to know what you want, too.
Whatever you decide, if you DO decide, nobody has the right to make you feel bad about it.
It's not wrong to want to go home, but it's not wrong to want to stay either.

[sheriffing]

It's not home, it never will be.

[ Not unless this place rolls a few more surprise arrivals. ]

But I don't know that everyone gets to have a home, anyway.

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[suicidemission]

at least you've got a life to go back to.

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[sheriffing]

That might depend on a few things.

[mypartnerintime]

Not to sound emo or anything, but.

I think I get it.

It sucks hard because you don't know if it's worse unless you're actually living it.

[sheriffing]

Yeah, and in the end it doesn't matter. It's all beyond our control.

[ For now. ]

[intelligently]

It is like waiting for a switch. You're here and then you're not, and there's no warning.

I'd also rather be home, but after being here for a while I started realising there were things I'd miss if I wasn't here. People. I don't think that I'd rather stay here, or take them back home with me, but it's the difference between existing and living. Routines, friends. Something that can make being here more bearable.

[sheriffing]

I get what you're saying, but having heard about what goes on here, I don't want the people I care about to have to go through all of that, either.

text.

[villainously]

( it is rather late, isn't it? well, that's all right, because apparently, sleep is optional for him in Wonderland. he's awake, as he usually is, though he's surprised Emma is. )

I can't tell you why they've all accepted it, either. I'd rather get out and use the detour to our advantage.

( Neal is still alive. Emma isn't the dark one. he is gonna mark those both up as a win and would rather focus on finding a way back to where they belong than getting comfortable. )

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[sheriffing]

You think we can do that?

[ She's thought about it, once or twice. It shouldn't be impossible to find a way out of here. If they could get out and bring Neal with them, find a way to go back at just the right time...

Sometimes it feels like they might be able to pull it off, then she weighs it against how long some of the others have been here. ]

voice;

[onevice]

Emma. Do you remember me?

[ Maybe it's a little abrupt, but Wonderland is fickle, and she can guess that the young woman doesn't, in fact, know who she is. Maybe it'll be a good distraction from whatever is on her mind at the moment, since she seems at least mildly distraught by being trapped in Wonderland. ]

voice;

[sheriffing]

[Here we go again.]

No, but I'm guessing I should.

[She's also going to assume that whoever she's talking to knows enough about this place to understand why she doesn't.]

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[pottershotter]

As someone who's been here a bit too long now, that never really changes. Except, the longer you're here the more it feels like it'll happen to the people around you instead. People just vanish.

[These days, it's rare for James to feel like Wonderland is going to send him home randomly. Usually it only happens when something is going particularly well - pre-Wedding jitters for example, or discovering something new that might help him. Wonderland is exactly the sort of place that would wait for a pivotal moment to ship him off, but so far it hasn't. Not even once.]

Unfortunately, there's not much we can do about it. Life's got to go on, otherwise Wonderland wins. And that's not something anyone wants, whether they want to stay here or not.

[It's why James always keeps trying, and why he'll happily rebuild friendships with people who have gone and come back - people like Emma, for example.]

[sheriffing]

Doesn't Wonderland win when we accept that we're trapped here, too?

[ It's the part of this that Emma's struggled with. Does she want to go home? Not yet, but she doesn't like that they don't have a say in it. Whatever forces are at work here are hurting people pretty regularly, how are they supposed to accept them? ]

You say life goes on, but we're not in control of our own lives anymore.

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[goesdown]

[ Now there's a problem that Crowley identifies with. ]

I felt that way for quite some time when I first arrived. You don't have control over the coming and going, though.

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[sheriffing]

How long have you been here? And why is everyone so sure we can't control it?

[madehervows]

This is going to sound strange coming from me, but honestly? Make a few friends, Miss Swan.

[That's her way of saying you're not really being yourself right now, Emma.]

[sheriffing]

You're right; coming from you? Really?

[But no, she hasn't felt like herself in so long that setting that right feels like a lost cause. Even with Henry and Killian here, normalcy is a lot to ask.]