text;

[radiopalkiller]

That's two negative votes on the network already, and I'm sorely missing the rousing speeches in Hydra's favour. Honestly, what sort of proper evil organisation doesn't even spring for an informative brochure?

Comments

[assistanting]

right???

if they cant even function as inefficiently as the government how can we trust them

[radiopalkiller]

At the risk of sounding spoiled by your reign as Evil Overlord, but I'd wager they haven't even got a ball pit of their own.

text;

[onevice]

Maybe we're more complex than simple brochure.

text;

[radiopalkiller]

Most things are, but you ought to start somewhere.

[alwaysbpositive]

Personally I'm just glad they haven't decided to implant brain parasites. It does tend to skip the troublesome bits of indoctrination.

[radiopalkiller]

Brain parasites? That sounds like the sort of fun story we can look forward to when it's your turn to share some memories.

[disassembles]

I'm sure if you hold out long enough someone will make an Evil Speech. The higher-ups always did like the sound of their own voices.

[radiopalkiller]

I'll be sure to follow the network with bated breath. Not least of all because I'm curious who those higher-ups are supposed to be, currently.

[ He's seen the symbols, he's heard the warnings. But short of one elusive message he's yet to witness the presence of the organisation himself. ]

text;

[hashtagging]

I was hoping for a jolly, propaganda-filled recruitment video, myself.

text;

[radiopalkiller]

See, now we're talking. Local celebrity endorsements, perhaps a catchy jingle, where did the effort go?

[Text]

[seesthetruth]

It is all because people fear change that they attack us. Those of us with HYDRA are ready for the fighting to end. We see a path to peace and we are willing to do what it takes to travel that path, but unfortunately, that frightens people. They are used to the death and destruction wrought by war. They don't know how to handle a future without this chaos, so they demonise us. Change is what HYDRA represents. We're visionaries. Peace, citizen. That is HYDRA's goal.

If your interest is in HYDRA, I would be more than happy to enlighten you.

[Text]

[radiopalkiller]

[ And there it is. He's turned down a more high-flying sort of rhetoric for less, but this time the stakes are nowhere near as personal. Nor his decision as lasting, he'd imagine. ]

I'm listening. So far it sounds like the sort of campaign made for an ordinary universe. How does it work in Wonderland?

[mindbend]

This is no time to be so flippant.

[radiopalkiller]

Actually there's really no time like the present, but I'm open to alternative suggestions.

TEXT

[improvident]

JOIN THE TEEMING MASSES AND CUT OFF YOUR OWN HEAD

TWO MORE WILL GROW IN ITS PLACE, IT'S A HYDRA GUARANTEE

TEXT

[radiopalkiller]

[ okay........... that sounds fake but okay ]

Right, but does it also work with legs? Because if not somebody ought to sit your people down about false advertising in the promotional material.

Text

[thneedifestdestiny]

Phil, Phil! Evil's a bit harsh, don't you think? Besides, who needs a brochure when the greatness and glory of HYDRA speaks for itself?

Text

[radiopalkiller]

[ So do you ever fall out of touch with one of your friends and you keep meaning to catch up with them proper, but it just never quite works out, so you spend your time with one finger hovering over their number, and the rest of you feeling somewhat guilty that you haven't pushed the buttons yet, until one day you walk down the street on your way to buy groceries, and who's that standing on the corner there, if not Your Good Old Pal; wearing a giant blue fur suit shaped like an O with googly eyes and waving a stack of fifteen-percent-off-your-next-mobile-phone-with-two-year-contract pamphlets at you going HEY! HEY, BUDDY! GUESS WHO JUST GOT INTO ADVERTISING!

That's... that's basically this message. ]

Greatness and glory? Is that why you signed up?

[text forever]

[goodwoofjames]

...Didn't we make a brochure for Wonderland?

[radiopalkiller]

I'm not quite sure which 'we' you're talking about, but I had nothing to do with that atrocity.

video because yes

[brainmeme]

Here's your rousing speech:

[And she lets out a killer burp. The kind that seems like it lasts forever. The kind that has aftershocks. The kind that would make a man weep.]

Hail HYDRA.

nothing

[radiopalkiller]

[ And indeed, somewhere deep inside the Man and Scholar that Philip once was is shedding a glistening river of tears to mourn the death of conversational etiquette and decency. He falls to his knees, lifts his gaze towards a godless sky, and weeps softly 'why' and 'how' and 'w h y'.

Meanwhile, outwardly, the worn-down alien mongrel that Philip currently is, lifts an eyebrow. And silently counts the seconds. Lots and lots of seconds of.... that. ]

wait for it

[radiopalkiller]

[ Just. So many seconds. An... an impressive amount of seconds, actually. ]

waaaaaait for it

[radiopalkiller]

[ An UNGODLY amount of seconds, almost. Really, just... seconds upon seconds upon oh god she's still going, isn't she? Because-- ]

[whittling]

one that prefers brainwashing over propaganda and campaigning

[radiopalkiller]

You say that like the former and the latter are mutually exclusive.