[text to the masses]

[rosswood]

happy singles awareness day
did you know that saint valentine was full of shit
i mean maybe he wasn't but theres no way to know since theres like no actual history on this guy
there are records of three different saint valentines
though i guess the one thing thats consistent is that pretty much all of them died horribly

anyway there's your exciting earth history fact of the day
have fun

[Alex, for his part, is currently planning on getting at least a little buzzed tonight. Despite the apparent bitterness of that mass-network text, he's not technically single. His SO just happens to not be here. Hence, drinking. Hence, bitterness.

Hence, that fun Valentine's Day Historical Fact.

Anyone looking for him will find him at the bar.]

Comments

text

[sheriffing]

So all Valentine's Day translates to is horrible death?

[ Emma could have told you that. ]

text

[rosswood]

yup
all those tacky hearts and shmoopy cards were lies
fed to us by our commercial overlords
the horror

text

[sheriffing]

Well, we always knew that.

text

[rosswood]

i mean
true
but the whole origin story they tried to spoonfeed us is also complete shit

[sheriffing]

You'd be surprised how often that happens.

[mypartnerintime]

You actually knew all of that off the top of you're head?

[rosswood]

what can i say high school sucked for everyone
always knew holidays were bullshit but proving it felt good

[mypartnerintime]

They make great photo opportunities tho

[rosswood]

fair point
my dad always filmed my birthday parties
had a whole stack of vhs tapes
maybe that's where i get it

[failedparenting]

i bet youre a blast at parties

[rosswood]

why thank you, i'll be here all night

[failedparenting]

you tell kids santa isnt real too?

[rosswood]

what sort of man do you think i am
do you think i'd raise my children on a boldfaced LIE
for shame sir
for SHAME

[voice]

[slapfight]

Singles... Awareness?

[does not compute.] Is that something that Earthlings can be unaware of?

[you can't even fuse, you weirdos.]

[text]

[rosswood]

i mean
no not really
it's just extra in your face during valentine's day

[voice]

[slapfight]

A day apparently dedicated to three people who died horribly.

[why is earth so WEIRD.] Yes.... I see the connection.

[so sarcastic.] Unless their deaths were related to a horrible attempt at fusion.

[text]

[rosswood]

hey man i didn't make the rules
earth makes no sense i'll be the first to admit it

what the hell is fusion

[vampdetective]

Valentine's Day amounting to death.
Well, that certainly sounds familiar.
Fingers crossed this one is uneventful.

[rosswood]

bad heartbreak?

[vampdetective]

Couple years ago we had someone go on a killing spree around Valentine's Day here.
Long gone now, but people haven't forgotten.

[rosswood]

wow NICE
was THAT because of a bad heartbreak?

[video]

[punful]

you sound bitter.

[text forever]

[rosswood]

when am i not

[video forever]

[punful]

fair point.

what's a saint?

[rosswood]

completely fucking arbitrary title that goes to someone if people think they can do no wrong

[What was that you said about bitter?]