( video ) before the creepy persona broadcasting starts have some stupidity

[ahousedivided]

[ When the video turns on to face only a ceiling, jarring slightly as though it's being pushed around on the floor, you may be thinking "oh it's just another technologically incompetent broadcast." True. But the main reason is that it's really hard to operate a touch-screen tablet with no body, no opposable thumbs, and one inch legs. ]

This on?

[ Even with the echoing of hollow armor it is no guess who this obnoxious voice belongs to. Except it's not a grinning blond idiot that peers down. It's a fucking metal terrier. Who makes full-body armor for Scottie dogs? Who painstakingly crafts their cute little whiskers out of metal? Why is it steampunk? So many questions but the most important one no one should be asking is "why America." We all know why. His life is an absurdist reality and now he's a metal suit of dog armor. ]

For the record, I ain't actually a dog under all this. What a jip! I don't get a super sniffer or acute hearing and this thing's mouth don't even open so I can't even herd things! Well, at least I can still see colors.

[ He noses the tablet a few times, trying to get it into position and failing. ]

Can someone come open my door? I don't got no thumbs and my legs are so short. I can't even jump on the bed. Oh, but I can wag my tail! Can't show ya though 'cause I'm havin' trouble propping up my devices.

[ Since he can't turn off the video, he just leaves it recording. Metal clangs while he trots around testing out the legs.

And then he starts experimenting with barking. It's really embarrassing actually. Well, for you, not for him, America actually doesn't think this is strange at all. Worst of all you don't even have to imagine it because he actually does this anyway and he's not even ashamed. ]